On January 5th we went to see the perinatologist and received more difficult news....I have been diagnosed with polyhydramnios which is an increased amount of amniotic fluid. I knew that this was a possibility in the pregnancy due to an anencephalic babies not being able to swallow. The fluid is causing complications because it is pushing on my cervix and making it become thin. The doctor said that I will likely go into labor within the next couple of weeks and that he would be surprised if I was still pregnant in a month.
The news for me is just another heartbreak and brought a fresh fountain of tears. I found myself again starring into a mountainous feeling of inadequacy....I cannot even keep our son safe inside me. My hope to carry to term and have even just a few hours with him alive was shattered. The reality is that we can confidently say that we have tried all that we can to protect this life for as long as God will allow. These past 23 weeks have been a blessing for me. Despite the horrible morning sickness and discomfort of a growing belly, I have felt his life inside of me. I am a Mommy and no one can take that from me. We have been blessed with two sons that will be waiting for us in heaven to hold them and tell them that We love them more than words can describe.
Please pray that as I anxiously wait for labor to come that I will have peace. Pray that despite the tragedy of losing our son that we will have strength to celebrate his life and the miracle that he is. Pray that we can be a witness to our doctors and nurses that we serve a faithful God who is present even in the midst of utter darkness.
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5. "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11....I do not know why this is happening or why we were chosen but I know that God is in control and good will come from this situation.